UNBEARABLE

First things first, I am pissed/angry/annoyed. How do you piss me off? Well, here you go...

1. We're part of a barkada, and you don't invite me. You shouldn't whine reasons out like, "You're busy.", "We didn't ask you already since I know there are some times that you're not gonna be allowed.", "We were supposed to ask you but we forgot to." SIMPLY PATHETIC. Well first of all, if you knew I was busy, does that mean you were so busy to call me and tell me you had plans? Second, even though you know that there are cases that I won't be allowed, AT LEAST YOU FUCKING TRIED TO ASK ME (it would mean that you really wanted to hang out with me.) Lastly, how could you forget to ask me? Dude, I'm like what, you're best friend for how many fucking years now! Your brain's gotta work dear.

2. When you think you're all right when you weren't really like that before. That basically explains everything. (Oh and yeah, one more thing... You can't manipulate me. Stop acting like you can be me.) Trying to outsmart me? I don't think you can.

3. When you are an arse. Telling me something that annoys you because I did something very annoying? Wait a minute here brother. If you annoy me, I don't react as pussy as that. Spell UNFAIR up on yo' ass.

4. When the people you expect to listen and take time to ask how are you, don't. That's when you know who your true friends are, and to think they aren't even my kabarkadas.

5. When your name is R**, S** and J**. Self-explanatory. (Oh no wait! When you're a social climber but nobody up the window really likes you! Hahaha)

To calm me down (or you if you're also pissed and have the same reasons and want to add up names in my #5, watch this.)

By Chance (You and I)

"It's been 5 years since that special day when I asked you on our first date. I guess it's safe to say. Let me say. You look beautiful on our wedding day." :-)

Jerico & Marizel

Jerico and Marizel (Tuesday Vargas) from Mayad Studios on Vimeo.

This made me cry.

Para Akong Namatayan Eh

Kasi nakakatamad magkwento kung ano talaga nangyayari sa amin ngayon. Siguro, dahil dito sa mga videos na 'to, maiintindihan ninyo. DEFINE EMO DIBA.

BEST CHRISTMAS EVER :D

What Matters Most - Kenny Rankin
It's not how long we held each other's hand
What matters is how well we loved each other
It's not how far we travelled on our way
Of what we found to say
It's not the spring you see, but all the shades of green

It's not how long I held you in my arms
What matters is how sweet the years together
It's not how many summertimes we had to give to fall
The early morning smiles we tearfully recall
What matters most is that we loved at all.

It's not how many summertimes we had to give to fall
The early morning smiles we tearfully recall
What matters most is that we loved at all.

What matters most is that we loved at all.

• This song because I really love the first part. So us :D haha. And when we were on our way to Baras, this song was playing at Ninong's car, I was thinking of Gel, then after Ninong said, "Theme song niyo yan ni Angel noh." HAHAHAHAHA :)
  

December is such a busy month for me.

Dec. 19 - Course cards distribution. Yep, hung out with my block mates again. The most funny part was when we were waiting for Sir Bugs and Sir Dax. The rooms were beside each other, and we thought of what room to go first. When we saw Sir Bugs, everyone was shouting. Haha. I thought we'd all fail Manalog, but everyone got 3.0 above! Haha. I'm satisfied with my grades, but I can't accept that I got 84 for Filip. Damn. Because of Algeb and Filip I'm not DL anymore. I got 81 in Algeb, then 84 in Filip :( Nonetheless, it was such a fun day 'cause all we did was play Counter. Woot woot :D

Dec. 20 - Went to Virge's house for her debut cotillion practice. Saw my barkada again. After the practice, we ate then made tambay. I was kinda in the hot seat 'cause they were asking me about Angel & stuff. They were asking on what's really our relationship & stuff. Haha. Oh well, ever since, err, unexplainable. HAHA. :) that's it! Went to Starbucks after with Rach & Ojna, then went to the Center.

When I went home, I thought of Angel, and still COUNTING 0:)

MY CHRISTmas. :D
Dec. 21 - Went to Baras, Rizal. We built a house for kuya Toto 'cause he really deserves it. Why? Here's the story.
Around May last summer, we went to Baras, Rizal to build a school. On that afternoon, we needed a wood, a very very efficient wood to complete the structure. Well, basically to tell you a brief description of what kuya Toto's house was, (before we built it), it's like one push of the kawayans and woods, it will really break down. :)) so there, when we needed a wood to complete the structure, he let us have his wood which he was supposed to use for his house. HE REALLY NEEDED THAT WOOD, but without a doubt, he gave us that wood. When Ninong was thinking of a Christmas project, he asked kuya Ruben to think of a person who he thinks is deserving for the project. Kuya Ruben pointed two guys, but Ninong hesitated. He instead, wanted kuya Toto, for no reason at all, but before that he asked GOD for a person, so there. Ninong was shocked. I mean all of us. At that point, we were suprised with kuya Toto's act because he forgot that he gave away the wood that he really needed that time, (when we were building the school). See? Do you get me? That's what REAL GENEROSITY IS. You give out something, without asking anything in return, and when Ninong asked about the wood that we needed for the project, kuya Toto was really looking for the wood. That's a proof of unconditional help. You forget what you've given. See the reward of kuya Toto? He just gave a piece of wood, then now, that piece of wood turned into a beautiful, blessed house. His own house :D

This is what I call CHRISTmas. You focus on the least of your brethren. For me, this is the best gift I've given to GOD, and to Jesus. Not by giving my friends or relatives gifts, but giving my time, having the opporunity to help other people; to help the needy out of my comfort zone is one of the best extraordinary things I've given. This is the best Christmas because I am absolutely fulfilled of what we did to kuya Toto.

That is true love. Giving unconditionally.
And while I was in Baras, I kept thinking about Angel. Hmmm. Just by thinking about him, I realized something. Even if he's not with me, I feel complete. CENTRUM. HAHA. Nah, seriously, I really do, but I've been seeing him everyda 'cause of the Simbang Gabi.
Then I'll see him later again. :)

CHRISTmas is focused on CHRIST. In short, to the LEAST OF HIS BRETHREN. OTHER PEOPLE. PEOPLE YOU DON'T KNOW.

Because HE said, "Whatever you did to the least of my brethren, you do it unto me."
:)

TODAY?

• Woke up, took a bath. Had cleaning at the dentist here in BF.
• Went home, rested. Went to Westgate, my Ortho dentist. I badly need braces. Ouch.
• Went to ate Arlene's at Cavite.
  
• LATER, going to the Center.
  

Then I'm going to Binangonan uhm, I don't know. Tomorrow morning I guess.
I've felt CHRISTmas already.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS EVER.

MF1J

Rainbow - South Border

I woke up having the reality that I will never ever see their faces all together in one room.
I woke up with a hangover courtesy of them.
I woke up crying, missing them, in love with all of them.

I'd like to take this blog opportunity to blog everything about them.
Let's start with each. Saying my thanks and whatever memories I have with that specific block mate :))

Alexa ~ Thank you for being one of my sisters in the block. For giving me advices. For always being there when I had relationSHIT problems. Thank you for being the dakilang transpo and dakilang venue. Thank you for the BIG 4. Joanna ~ Thank you for being my partner-in-crime. For being a skippy for me & Rap. Thanks for always trusting me with your secrets and whatever madness we've been going through, you still managed to keep your temper with me haha. Thanks for being supportive with me and you-know-who. The effin signs! :)) Miera ~ I'm gonna miss your hanging moments! Thanks for always being there when I need someone to text to, and to share my dramuh-rama with. For always supporting me in my lovelives mostly with you-know-who. Haha. Effin signs! Rachelle ~ Thanks for always making me laugh. Our bathroom and caf memories. Criselle ~ You will always make me laugh. Thanks for trusting me with your secrets. Thanks also for giving me advices and always being there for me with my relationSHIT problems. Tere ~ Thanks for being my busmate, my elder sister-like, for helping me out whenever I don't understand a certian lesson. For that Starbucks madness, thank you again haha. Eika ~ SUNTUKAN?! Haha. I'm gonna miss your singing and senseless hirits. Also your kwentos and drama and problems. Haha. I won't forget your treats. Kimmie ~ Thanks for trusting me with all your secrets. Thanks for being a great friend and always hanging out with me & Aaron and Gege during dismissal then going to different places. Aaron ~ Thanks for being one of my big brothers in the block even though we all know you're literally BIG. :)) thanks for always listening to me & understanding me when I need someone to talk to. Thanks for the memories after school. HAHA. Rap ~ Thanks for being a good friend, for being a skippy for me & Joanna. Thanks for all thouse laughtrip moments and Rn'B galore moments. Thanks to your PSP, thanks for being supportive with me and you-know-who. :)) the effin signs! I'm gonna miss those CS moments! Dherick ~ Thanks for always bitching up with me HAHA. For calling me a loser ang more more names! Thanks for being one of my love doctors. Naks :)) Thanks for trusting me with your secrets, but I am not thanking you for all those smoke modes of yours and when you force me to drink! You're such a bad influence! :)) I'm gonna miss our CS moments & relationSHIT conversations :)) Bok ~ Thanks for the parlor. KIDDING :)) thanks for always making me laugh and trusting me when you really needed to hear the side of us girls :) Jake ~ Thanks for being such a great busmate. For always telling me what is right & not. For being one of my kuyas in this block. Jake the snake! I'm gonna miss your joke times! I'm gonna miss those CS moments! :)) Jolo ~ Thanks for always making me laugh. Bus memories. Basketball conversations :)) Nati ~ Thanks for being there ever since orientation! Thanks for being such a good friend! Gege ~ I'm gonna miss your explanation modes! :)) Thanks for taking me to different places and being so life-loving. Chibz ~ Thanks for all those inuman sessions! Thanks for being one of my kuyas in the block. Listening to my relationSHIT problems and always encouraging me to love. I'm gonna miss your dance moves and our CS moments! :) Prince ~ Thanks for always lettting me borrow your PSP. For being a wild bus mate HAHA. I'm gonna miss our CS moments. Sam ~ I'm gonna miss you when you're drunk. :)) Thanks for trusting me with your secrets and thank you for keeping mine. Thanks for a cute friendship, haha. Paula ~ Thanks for the distortion modes, hugs, loads and bringing me home. :) I'm gonna miss your HOness :)) Encar ~ The mom of the block. I'm gonna miss your laugh when I crack up jokes and I'm gonna miss your hirits and maniac kwentos. Lol. Xtian ~ I'm gonna miss your gms. Never-ending ones. Textmate! :) Our La Salle spirit during the UAAP :) Jen ~ I'm gonna miss your kakikayan and even though I hate you when you tease me with Echo, I'm still gonna miss that 'cause we get to laugh it out. Vanjoe ~ Bus mate! Basketball conversations and I will always remember you when I hear Janno Gibbs' song Pinakamagadang Lalake. :)) Deedam ~ I'm gonna miss your voice when you sing. I'm gonna miss our kwentos about Monte people. Lol. Thanks for always laughing at my jokes. Amp. Nikki ~ I'm gonna miss our Raps' moments and your kwentos about your lovelife. I just hate you for your body cause you still maintain your sexiness even though you eat like how many cups of rice? Damnit! Haha. Belle ~ I'm gonna miss our phone moments. Sharing themes and that stuff. Thanks for helping me when I don't understand a certain lesson and I'm gonna miss your perkiness. Rikka ~ The goddess of our Manalog days. Whoo. I'm gonna miss your hirits and I like your dressing up techniques huh. I won't forget the tabo thing, the one who stole your phone. LOL. Mike ~ Kuya Mike! Yeah! I'm gonna miss your hirits and your singing moments with Deedam, oh and also your stylish watches! Regine ~ You are so kalog. I'm gonna miss your hirits. Kevin ~ I'm gonna miss your sexy voice! HAHA. Your moments of going to the loo and all that stuff. You're so good at Manalog too. The god of Manalog :)) Tobi ~ I'm gonna miss our baraduhan moments! :)) Anthony ~ god of Manalog too! :)) Jeff ~ I'm gonna miss our baraduhan and CS moments! Prof ~ I'm gonna miss your kwentos about your long-so-ever-girlfriend and when you send me songs in my phone, and our CS moments! Thanks for always making me laugh.

I think that's it. :)

December, 16, 2008. Tuesday.
Block party SLASH Kimmie's treat SLASH Christmas party.
@ Tere's pad, LP.
crew: me, Tere, Lexa, Joanna, Miera, Criselle, Rachelle, Kimmie, Encar, Jen, Aaron, Nati, Gege, Belle, Nikki, Regine, Rap, Chibz, D, Jolo, Jake, Prince, Xtian & Vanjoe.


After our Exam in Algebra, we went to Mcdo to eat. Hung out for a while. We decided to play CS again so we went to Netopia. Then went back to Mcdo to wait for our dakilang transpo, Lexa.
We arrived at Tere's house at around 2:30pm. We watched Click first then attacked all the food. :)) Then, videoke. Rainbow by Southborder was the main song that all of us sang, (in Gege's dictio rainbow is a butterfly HAHAHA) Then of course, drinking time. HAHA.
Yes, special participation of Mr. GSM Blue and orange juice, then Mr. Red Horse, liter bottles, then Mr. Matador. (too bad Sam wasn't there haha). Anyhoo, then we were busy dancing and taking pictures.

I love the group hug part. When most of the North people had to leave.

When they left, me, Tere (of course it's her pad), Miera, Rap, Dherick, Chibby, Jake and Jolo were the ones who attacked the rest of the Red Horse. And of course, the topic? LOVE. For crying out loud. HAHA. Well, having me, Chibby and D there, that topic is very inevitable :)) Tere's mom and big brother were also there.

Rode the bus with Jake. When I got down at Southland, my brother was waiting there already 'cause we had to attend Simbang Gabi, (which was literally that night).

I'm so proud of myself because I brought my camera! :)) It's Lexa's time to steal pics from me! :)) but I'll steal some again, too :))

--
I woke up having the reality that I will never ever see their faces all together in one room.
I woke up with a hangover courtesy of them.
I woke up crying, missing them, in love with all of them.
--
They also made me realize that I don't really need a boyfriend right now. Having the best girlfriends and the best boyfriends (THEM), is far more than a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship.
I mean, not just them, but my other great friends as well. :)

I LOVE YOU GUYS. I'M REALLY GONNA MISS YOU.














More pictures? CLICK HERE. :) [for Multiply contacts ONLY.]
Other pics, click the ff links:
Lexa
Rachelle

THE TWILIGHT THEN MY NEW MOON

Everything ends for a reason.

Break-ups for instance.

I've had break-ups with two different guys already. The first relationship lasted for two years and six months while the latest one, I must say, seven months. I don't know why do I always have this kind of relationship, a very inconsistent one. Get back together - break up - get back together again - break up again. Several times already. I'm tired of it. Of course, I am part of that problem. Call me immature, call me stupid, at least I didn't lose anything, I've loved, and I never regretted any relationship, and I never will.

My friends keep on telling me to save some for myself. I never listen.

I believe in unconditional love, but last night I have realized that yes, love is really unconditional, but a relationship is really about giving and taking. Well, if the relationship is only working because of one person doing all the effort then, the person is unappreciated... It should be stopped. THAT'S THE BIG DIFFERENCE OF LOVE AND A RELATIONSHIP.

I've also learned from a philosopher, (one of my professors), that feelings are irrational, so meaning LOVE is IRRATIONAL. Rational means seeking for reason. Does love reason? Nope. He also said that "You happen to feel love when you become a better person with someone." I happened to experience that, honestly, but it is opposed. The other party is not becoming a better person because of me, that's why I had to stop it. I am not helping him.

I can't do all the giving.
He can't do all the taking.

I woke up contented, happy and hopeful. Contented because I know what I did is best for him and for me. Happy because I know that even though I broke up with him, I gave the best love that I could ever give him and I am not regretting anything. Hopeful because I know, someday, he will see someone better than me that he can learn to be contented, happy and hopeful because of that person.

You can never feel happiness when you don't feel sadness.

Obviously, you can never feel love when you don't feel pain.

AND I WANNA THANK HIM FOR HURTING ME.
BECAUSE OF THAT HURT, I LEARNED HOW TO LOVE.

A love that's irrational, but a relationship that's rational.

Everything starts with a reason.

Hope for instance.

I also wanna thank these guys for always being there for me when I had to go through all this.

GOD :)

Sten, Gel, Virge, Mel, Miera, Criselle, Lexa, Joanna, Rachelle, Tere, Aaron, Dherick, Kimmie, Eika, Rap, Chibz, Jenny, Cez, Roanna, Sam and Paula.